Discontent and Discovery In the film of Italy

 

The content which we covered while attending Sant'Anna was not foreign to me, at least in its construction. I've taken films classes before and the utility of film in understanding the nuance of a given culture cannot be overstated. 

From Japanese samurai movies to Italian neo-realism to French new wave to German Expressionism, there is always  something to be gleamed from a honest attempt at creating something beautiful. And so this was my mantra while viewing many of the Italian films we were shown. However, I wont lie. I did not enjoy most of them. Their importance not lost on me, their message as clear as the sky on a Texas winter day. 

But, I still did not enjoy them. There were always the brief moments following the films that I considered them enjoyable, But looking back i cannot say this. Its too different. If exposure to other cultures is supposed to make us more open and accepting then why do I find myself more closed off to foreign idea's?

I left Texas as orthodox Catholic in all things, and i believe i will return to Texas even more extreme in my beliefs. What was put before me, though technically wonderful in its cinematography and its construction, is unattractive. Before I was angry that I wasn't becoming more European while living in Sorrento but now I no longer feel this way. I see the differences and I respect them. I refuse them. If this is what Italy is how can I desire it, I declare not it to be abomination, rather I declare it unacceptably different. The course helped to understand Italy better, and come to the conclusion that I simply love America more. Exponentially more. I can't formulate into words how strong I feel this. 

Its said that absence makes the heart grow fonder and my heart yearns for my home, for the familiar. 

Don't think I dislike Italy, that would be wrong and an overly simplistic reading of my thoughts. But know that I hold the course in High regard for what its given me. Which is a greater love of what i already have. 

And so i bury this desire to "be Italian" in Sorrento and find myself content to be American and not feel pressured to be something else.  

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